He is Good

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Even before my husband and I decided to start our family, I knew that not having a child would be painful. However, I didn’t know that this pain was going to challenge my view of self.

And I didn’t know that giving this pain to God to be used for his purposes would require heart-wrenching sacrifice. But for the past 4 years, this has been my journey and this is where I have begun to find God in the pain, in the sacrifice, in my own weakness. And as I write for the first time for encouraging.com, I thought this was a good place to start.

One day a few years ago, I faced that all-too-familiar disappointing news… I was not pregnant. And I found myself once again weeping, my body wrenching in pain. Struggling with infertility doesn’t just make you sad. And it doesn’t just disappoint you. Infertility is a physical struggle, one that consumes your entire body.

My body is not capable of bearing a child can easily become, I am not capable. Everyday life — cleaning dishes, doing laundry, exercising — became increasingly taxing.

And as I got to the big things — being a wife, a friend, a daughter, a minister, a woman — that feeling persisted. With each negative pregnancy test, I felt less and less able to do the work that was in front of me. And at the church where I serve as a Children’s Minister, I felt that loving the children around me was just too big of a job.

But God wasn’t through with me. Almost every week of the past year, someone has shared with me their thankfulness for the ministry I am doing. Many times, the weaker I would feel, the more words of encouragement that would come.

I began to watch and marvel as in my weakness God was displaying his strength. The more incapable I felt, the more powerfully He worked. You see God doesn’t love me or use me because I am capable. He loves me and uses me because He is good. His grace is truly sufficient.

Father, teach us to hear your voice even when our own is telling us we’re not worth it. Deliver us into the sweetness of your presence even as we struggle.

 Amy O