My sacrifice, O God, is a
broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.
Psalm 51:17
Until several years ago, I had a complete set of china
dinnerware. In spite of moving households every few years, each fragile piece
remained perfectly intact. Then as I packed the dishes one last time, a tea cup
slipped from my fingers and broke in two pieces. My spirit was crushed in
disappointment.
I never attempted to repair the cup. I kept it and
one flawless cup to serve as visible symbols of my two life stories.
One story appears perfect and acceptable. The other
story looks undesirable and worthless. Which story is a real life that God is
fully involved in? The story of seeming perfection was riddled with chronic
depression and despair. The story about brokenness restored my life and led to
wholeness!
What changed for me to embrace brokenness? The
answer was found in removing the façade of perfection and admitting the
depravity of my soul.
I dared to pray a prayer that risked all.
What was my prayer?
Humbly, I bared myself to my Creator and offered, “Lord, I’m tired of trying to control my
life. I’m tired of living with worry and fear of what might happen next. I give
You permission to do whatever You want with me and my life.”
God answered. He longs to rescue each of us.
Almost immediately, my staged life broke in pieces.
Trials brought pain mixed with genuine joy and my messy, broken life began to
take on a new shape. I was fully alive for the first time and meaninglessness turned
into hopefulness. I pray for all of us to let God have His way with us, even
when it doesn’t make sense to do so.
But as for
me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.
(Micah
7:7)
Listen to this song with me by Tenth Avenue North,
entitled Worn.
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