Looking Back

I will declare that Your love stands firm forever, that You have established Your faithfulness in Heaven itself.

Psalm 89:2

How about cleaning out some of those bins full of journals? My husband had a legitimate point. He had moved the bins of Bible studies and notebooks from attic to attic during the last fifteen years we’d been married. I lifted the lid and memories flooded my mind. Journaling in my childhood bedroom. Scribbling away under a lush Magnolia tree at Baylor. Pouring out my heart on lonely nights in my small apartment. That bubbly handwriting of my youth eventually gave way to chicken scratch that makes my children cringe today.

I agreed to a good purging after we got past the chaos of moving. My initial thought was that I would give each journal a quick skim and toss it in the recycle can. I carved out a few hours and tackled the job.

What I found was a young girl, teen, single woman with lots of questions. God, which path do I take? What college? What summer job? What city? Will I get married? Will I have children? Will You take care of me? What is Your plan for my life and would You share it with me?

The blueprint never came. But the relationship did. Spending all of those hours praying and soaking in Scripture drew me closer to the One who had the plan. I grew in faith that even if He didn’t answer like I hoped, I could rest in His unshakeable love.

I spent more than a week snatching hours to read through those journals. Then I carefully packed them back in that bin and tightly sealed the lid. My husband stashed them back in the attic to await our next move. I couldn’t bear to part with that tangible reminder to trust God. He hasn’t failed me yet, and He never will.

Father, thank You that You are faithful in spite of my doubting. Help me trust You and submit my life to Your glorious plan.

Whitney P.